Suffer the Little Children
by Mare Imbrium
Summary: Throughout history, Tsukino Usagi has had a profound effect on a great many people. But are they really better off for it? As NeoQueen Serenity, Usagi finally asks her friends the questions she's been longing to. [complete]


Suffer the Little Children (who come unto me) 

by Mare Imbrium August 2005

Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.  
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"Asa ga hajimaru hito ga ugokidasu Sukoshi kowai kedo arukidashite..."

A woman with long blonde hair sat in a rocking chair, quietly singing to the infant babe in her arms.

"Watashi no koto wasurenaide Ichiban ai shiteru kurushii kedo..."

Sunlight cascaded into the sitting room through the crystal walls, falling on the two smiling women playing cards at a nearby table.

"Koko kara miteru Sabaku no yoake o."

The soft angelic voice of the woman in the rocking chair faded away as she reached the end of her song. The rosy-haired infant slumbered peacefully against her body, one end of the royal blue bow on the woman's chest clutched tightly in a tiny fist. Neo-Queen Serenity laid down her handful of cards, got up from the table, and crossed the room to peer at the sleeping child.

"Ah, Venus, I'm so envious!" she sighed. "I've tried singing to her myself, but my voice is not nearly so lovely as yours."

"Well, it was my dream to be an idol singer, after all," the orange-suited Senshi said brightly. "My audience may be smaller than I'd imagined, but I can still put on a good show."

At these words Serenity's face changed. Her smile faded away, her eyes dulled, and she turned away from Venus and stared at the floor. Sensing the change in the air, Sailor Jupiter put down her own cards and looked toward the other women.

"What is it?" Jupiter asked, her face filled with sudden concern. Serenity's hands were trembling faintly at her sides.

"It's nothing," the monarch replied evenly. She turned around suddenly, the gentle smile restored to her face, but it did not reach her eyes.

"Usagi-chan." Venus got up from the rocking chair and gently laid Small Lady in the nearby bassinet. "I hope your being queen hasn't changed the fact that we are your friends."

Serenity looked uncertain for a moment. Her eyes roamed the room uneasily and her mouth opened and closed a few times as she struggled with the burden of her heart.

"Do you regret it?" she blurted out, the words bursting out of her as if she had been restraining them for a long time.

"What-"

"If it hadn't been for me, you would all have lived normal lives," Serenity continued, unable to meet the eyes of her friends. "If not for the Ginzuishou, Chaos would never have threatened us. Minako-chan, you could've been an idol singer like you wanted. Mako-chan, you could've opened your own restaurant. You both could have found love... After you met me, you could no longer do any of those things."

She began pacing back and forth through the room, her white dress trailing along the floor, its wings drooping in her misery. She ticked off the losses on her fingers with a strained voice.

"Haruka-san, who had to stop racing. Michiru-san, who had to give up her concert tours. Hotaru-chan, who had to start her entire life over from the beginning. All because of me."

"How long have you been hiding these feelings?" Venus asked, mortified.

"It isn't your fault, Usagi-chan," Jupiter argued. "Our past lives-"

"No," the queen broke in, pain and guilt now evident on her face. "Even those who had nothing to do with the wars - Naru-chan, Umino, my classmates, people I just ran into on the street - if they weren't Sailor Senshi, they were used against us by our enemies. Everyone who comes into contact with me is changed forever. Even Small Lady."

Serenity moved to the bassinet where Small Lady lay sleeping and gazed down upon her tiny form. The two soldiers watched the queen helplessly, not sure what they could say to comfort her.

"There was a time when I considered not having her," Serenity said suddenly. Venus and Jupiter gasped in unison, their eyes wide with shock.

"How...how could you..." Jupiter stammered, staring at her old friend in disbelief.

"I thought, maybe it would be better that way," the Neo-Queen murmured, reaching down with a gentle finger to brush aside a wisp of rose-pink hair. "We know what lies ahead of her - a life of fear and fighting and struggle! The fate of a soldier! How could I condemn an innocent child to the same hardships I suffered? I couldn't change the destinies of my other loved ones, but with her, the power to save her from that fate was in my hands..."

"But you had her anyway," Venus prompted gently. Serenity nodded, a miserable expression on her face.

"Endymion would never have understood," she explained. "And I... I loved her too much. I wanted her here with me." Finally she looked directly at the soldiers, her eyes filled with tears. "Does that make me selfish?"

"Just because you resented your destiny doesn't mean Small Lady will too," Jupiter said, not unkindly. "It's impossible to predict what her private dreams will be."

"That's what I told myself," the queen said, moving away from the bassinet, "but I can't help but feel it is not life I have given her, but a death sentence! A living death, imprisoned in an existence she has no control over!" Pressing her hands to her face, Serenity sank to her knees on the crystal floor. All the feelings she had been pushing aside for years had finally bubbled to the surface.

"I'm supposed to be this savior, the messiah of the world, but I'm the cause of all the hardship that I rescue everyone from!" The tears were flowing freely now, and Serenity shuddered as Venus and Jupiter hurried to kneel beside her. "This, all of this," she moaned, waving an arm vaguely to indicate her surroundings, "is this really what's best for all the people of Earth?"

"Usagi-chan, please believe us when we say you have done far more good than harm," Venus told her firmly. "I don't want to hear you doubt yourself like this."

"But your dreams," the queen sobbed miserably. "We fought for those dreams, and I took them away!"

"Usagi-chan." Sailor Jupiter laid a hand on Serenity's bare shoulder and looked at her calmly until her crying faded into silent tears. "Don't you remember what we were like before we became friends with you?"

Venus smiled and wiped the queen's cheeks dry with a gloved hand.

"I was an outcast," she reminded her old friend. "If people weren't saying I was too loud, they were calling me a stuck-up snob for being quiet. Do you really think I would ever have imagined I could be an idol if you hadn't been my first fan?"

"Everyone was afraid of me," Jupiter added, her lips smiling but her eyes sad with the memory. "They thought I was scary and violent just because I was strong and defended myself. You were the first to see that I had a gentler side, a side that dreamed of making delicious snacks for a family of my own."

"Ask any of the others and they will tell you the same," the blonde soldier continued. "You showed us we could be more than what we were. You gave us the courage to dream, Usagi-chan."

Jupiter put out her hands and helped Serenity to her feet.

"Usagi no baka," she teased. "How could any of us ever regret meeting you? You changed all our lives for the better, and we love you for it."

"Would we have been by your side through fifteen hours of labor if you weren't the most important person in our lives?" Venus added with a grin. The queen had to chuckle at this, a genuine smile finally returning to her face.

"Mako-chan, Minako-chan...thank you," Neo-Queen Serenity whispered.

"Now, don't ever hide something like this from us again!" Jupiter scolded. "You may be our queen, but you're not above a good tongue-lashing from Sailor Mars!" Serenity shuddered to imagine how Mars would react to the news that their best friend was keeping secrets from them.

"In fact," Venus piped up with a mischievous look in her eye, "maybe we should take you to see Mars now and have her teach you a lesson!"

Serenity squealed. The two Sailor Senshi reached out for her, but she dodged swiftly away. Soon she was leading the soldiers on a twisting chase among the tables and chairs in the sitting room, the laughter of all three barely stifled to avoid disturbing the room's youngest occupant.

In the bassinet the pink-haired princess slumbered on, dreaming her own private dreams.

-  
End.


End file.
